Hidden Desires
by RuskaSky
Summary: After Zidane's return from the Iifa Tree, Lady Hilda keeps getting vivid dreams about Kuja visiting her. They leave her restless and even sort of longing. But those dreams about Kuja still being around can't be possibly more than dreams – can they? A request from MysticSpiritus.
1. Never Ending Dreams

_**Hidden Desires**_

**Summary: **After Zidane's return from the Iifa Tree, Lady Hilda keeps getting vivid dreams about Kuja visiting her. They leave her restless and even sort of longing. But those dreams about Kuja still being around can't be possibly more than dreams – can they?  
A request from MysticSpiritus.

_Chapter One ~ Never Ending Dreams_

As Regent Cid entered the room, Hilda's head jerked up.  
"There you are, my dear", the king said softly as he approached her. His hair grew whiter and whiter each day that passed by and his eyes started to lose their sharp glistening that Hilda once loved. His movements were slower and weaker as well. With a lot of willpower, he walked up to his wife, gave her a slight kiss on her cheek, and then sat down with an exhausted sigh.  
"Hello, sugar cup", Hilda answered, a bit late to her own surprise. "What is that?"  
The king looked as if he had almost forgotten the letter he was holding in his hands ever since he entered, but then he smiled reminiscing. "Ah, this? It is a letter from Garnet. You probably remember that Tantalus was going to attend her birthday and perform a play for her in celebration, right? Well, it seems Zidane caused quite a fuss there..."  
Hilda's eyes widened in astonishment. "Zidane? But I thought he died with Kuja in the Iifa Tree?"  
Cid chuckled. "Well, judging the way Garnet has written it, Zidane seems to be alive and energetic. She does not say so, but I am sure we will have to prepare for a wedding soon."  
Hilda nodded absent-mindedly. "That is great news. I am happy for Garnet", she said, but her eyes were wandering around.  
For a moment, Cid had a sad look on his face. As of lately, his wife spaced out more than usual. And even though he had a guess why, he didn't dare asking her. If his thoughts were to be true, it would hurt too much to hear it from her. For that very reason, he simply smiled at her and got up. "I am sorry for interrupting you, dear", he said while turning to the door. "It is late already and I bother you with such matters. I will ask the servants to bring you some milk so you can sleep well."  
"Thank you", Hilda said hastily, earning a sad smile from her husband as he left her bedroom.

With a frown on her face, Hilda looked towards her bed. Even though she was tired and had to wipe her eyes, she was reluctant about going to bed; too big was her fear of having another one of those dreams. But her body signalized her with a big yawn that she should stop straining herself. Once the servant had brought her milk, she downed it quickly and approached the red silk. As she undressed, her thoughts started to wander again. The dreams she was having – were they linked to Zidane's return? But how, considering she only learned of it a few moments ago? Hilda shivered. And she realized that her fear of _not_ having one of those dreams was even bigger than her fear of having another one. All of a sudden, she could not wait to fall asleep and hurried to undress completely, then dived under the soft bedding and closed her eyes almost forcefully.  
_Fall asleep, Hilda!_, she ordered herself, but even though milk always calmed her down, her mind was going wild, preventing her to sleep. Only after several hours of rolling from one side to the other, her mind finally found relative peace and allowed her to sleep.

She was not even fully asleep yet as she realized it was going to be one of those dreams again. And as her eyelids closed completely and she had wandered off into the dreamland, she could hear a heavy piano piece being played in the background, and the air inside of her bedroom suddenly had a sweet, yet heavy scent to it.  
"... But naturally, they could not stop someone like me", she could hear a man's voice. Hilda got up and there he was: Sitting right at the edge of her bed, his silver hair barely touching her bedding, Kuja had his arms spread out as he indulged in his own magnificence.  
"Can you hear them clapping, my lady?", he asked as he listened to distant applause. "They are clapping for me. I have become the ruler of the worlds. Gaia and Terra, both mine to control – aren't I the only one befitting for such a role? Don't we all have to play the roles we are assigned to? But by whom? Is there someone even greater than me, even more powerful? Foolish thoughts! How could it be, with me being more mighty than a god!"

"You like hearing yourself talking, do you not?", Hilda asked, causing Kuja to turn his head. And then he gave her his grin, his narcissistic, yet handsome grin. "And you like listening, do you not?", he asked back as he leaned in closer to her. Hilda twisted her head to the side, crossing her arms in front of her chest. "You abducted me, sorcerer", she reminded him. "How could I _not _listen as there is nowhere to go for me?"

Kuja sighed, quietly, while his eyes were wandering off. "I can not understand you, my lady. How come you do not enjoy all of this? You are one of the few allowed to listen to my words, to my every word! Kings and queens will soon bow in front of me, yet you are already here, able to enjoy the pleasures long before others."  
Hilda sighed. That was Kuja for you. Always praising himself, always believing listening to him was an honor. He still had the same attitude as he had back in the Desert Palace, and as he got up and roamed through Hilda's bedroom, his movements were as graceful and confident as ever, his eyes sparkled in excitement. And even though she was scared to admit it, Hilda could feel herself enjoying watching him, enjoying listening to him, just like he said. Quickly, the queen shook her head to get rid of these thoughts. It was against all common sense, all logic, to enjoy his company. But in these sweet moments of dreams, she could allow herself to fall for him – just a little. But never would she allow herself to forget who she really was, and what she had to do.  
Kuja had already continued exclaiming his own beauty and power, as Hilda sighed desperately. "Listen, Kuja, you've got no power here anymore! This is my room, and it is my dream – go at once!"

With a speed a mere mortal could never reach, Kuja rushed to Hilda and sat down beside her. His fingers reached out to her and as gentle as a feather, he stroke her cheek. "But what if I don't wish to go?", he whispered and leaned in closer to Hilda. "What if I _can't_ go?"  
Hilda looked up, confusion in her eyes. "What do you mean by that?", she breathed, but suddenly, the dream got blurry and Kuja vanished in front of her. Helplessly, Hilda reached out for him, but before she could touch the dust flowing around, she awoke, calling out his name.  
"Kuja!"

The dream had ended. And it left her with a feeling of emptiness. To her, these dreams were too realistic; she thought she even smelled the scent of feathers and magic in the air – Kuja's magic.

"He is dead", she mumbled to herself as she got up to drink a glass of water. "He is dead and it's better that way!"

_After all, he abducted me_, she thought as she sat on a chair. _All I could feel for him was hate and disgust!_

_But why... Why am I always so sad whenever the dream ends?_

The dreams continued. Almost every single night, Kuja visited her in her dreams, rambling away. And sometimes, he would do nothing but sitting beside her and stroking her hair. Even though Hilda always ends the dreams by herself, demanding him to leave, she can't help but feel sad and lonely, almost regretting forcing him away. During the daytime, she nearly stopped talking completely and was often caught by Cid and the servants staring out into the sky, sighing.  
It hurt Cid to see his beloved wife in this state. One night, he decided to visit her bedchambers to talk to her – even though he was afraid of what she might say.  
"Hilda, dear, may I come in?", he asked as he knocked on the door. "Hilda?", he repeated himself as she remained silent. "I will enter now, Hilda!", the regent finally decided loudly and opened the door. And he almost fell down to his knees. The room was full of magic. Cid couldn't cast any spells, but he could still sense and feel magic when it was used. And someone – or something – was filling up the room with such a powerful magic that he could even see how it broke the light, leaving the room glistening like a starry night.  
"Is that your doing, Hilda?", he asked his wife, but the woman laid in bed, softly moaning in her sleep.

_No, this can't be her,_ Cid concluded. Hilda was powerful, indeed, but accumulating such an amount of magic was out of her reach – not to speak of her being asleep.  
"...ja", Hilda mumbled and Cid slanted his head. _Ja? What is that supposed to mean? _He approached his wife's bed and sat down beside her. By looking at her face, he could tell she was having a vivid dream – her eyes moved rapidly under her eyelids.

"Ku...ja", Hilda mumbled as she rolled over to the side.

And something inside Cid's heart broke down.

This dream seemed somewhat different. Kuja had been sitting at the edge of the window and stared out into the broad daylight – another difference: During all of her dreams so far, it had been night, starless and dark nights.

"Kuja?", Hilda asked after a while, but the sorcerer didn't seem to listen. He played with his own hair and slipped a sigh. "What is it, my lady?", he asked. Apparently, he was listening after all.  
"You seem... different today", Hilda dared to mention, only to scold herself afterwards.

_This is a dream. _My _dream. Everything happening here is my doing. As if he knew anything._

Kuja jumped off the window back into the room, but his eyes somewhat avoided Hilda's. Was he reluctant to say what was on his mind? How strange, unlike him. But then, something in his face lit up – and Hilda knew that kind of look too well. It appeared whenever the sorcerer found a solution to something troubling him – vaguely troubling him, as he was confident and intelligent and hardly had to fear failure to begin with.

"I wonder what my little canary is doing", Kuja finally said as he walked around the room. "She must be very relieved, having Zidane back."

Hilda sat up, her eyes wide. Up until then, Kuja acted the way he did long before he went to Terra and entered Trance. He either talked about things that actually happened, like the assault in Burmecia, or he fantasized about things that were yet to happen in his opinion, like becoming the ruler over the the worlds. But he never, never even mentioned something that had happened after their final showdown in Memoria.  
"Wha-what are you talking about?", Hilda asked confused.  
Kuja turned around. "I am talking about Queen Garnet, the little canary", he repeated as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "She must have been worried, since Zidane was gone for a long time. But apparently, he made his way back to her. Then again, it had to be expected. With the elephant lady being gone, the canary was alone – even more so with me being gone as well, not being able to sing her to sleep like I planned to do. A situation the prince on his white horse could never allow."  
Hilda started to shake. "How do you know that? What... What... I mean..."  
"Calm down, my lady", Kuja said as he looked out of the window and brushed his hair away.  
But Hilda got up. She was shaking even worse, her stomach started to hurt and tears started to come to her eyes. Her mind started to make a conclusion, a conclusion that couldn't possibly be true, yet a conclusion a tiny part of her heart had desired for a long time, since Kuja first appeared in her dreams. But Hilda couldn't allow this thought of hers to be real.  
"You're dead, sorcerer! Just leave me be!", she cried out with a dying voice.

Slowly, Kuja turned his head, with an evil grin on his face.  
"Who said I was dead?"


	2. The Truth

_**Hidden Desires**_

**Summary: **After Zidane's return from the Iifa Tree, Lady Hilda keeps getting vivid dreams about Kuja visiting her. They leave her restless and even sort of longing. But those dreams about Kuja still being around can't be possibly more than dreams – can they?  
A request by MysticSpiritus.

_Chapter Two ~ The Truth_

"Kuja!", Hilda called out and got up in her bed. She breathed heavily and her eyes wandered around until they finally saw Cid. The regent had a deeply saddened look on his face, but his eyes avoided Hilda's.  
"S-sugar cup", Hilda stuttered. "I, it's, er..."

"I fully understand, my dear", Cid said, but his voice was broken. "You caught me doing something terrible, causing you to leave me. You... You spent a lot of time with... Whatever. I was worried about you having nightmares, so I came checking on you, but I see I was... Never mind", he finally stated as he got up.

"Cid, it's – !"

" – okay", the king finished her sentence as he left the room.

As Hilda watched her husband leave the room, she waited for the feeling of remorse and regret. She waited for the tears to fall out. But nothing happened. She had lost her feelings for her husband a long time ago and both of them always concealed it. Up until now, for the sake of the people. And there never had been a reason not to conceal it – there was no one either of them was yearning for, so a divorce would have been a complication, nothing else.  
But Hilda wasn't able to think about that for too long. Her thoughts wandered back to her dream. She took a big deep breath and smelled the feathers and the magic.  
_What if..._, she thought to herself as she walked to a cupboard made of dark wood. Out of it, she took her crystal ball – a magic artifact she hasn't used for a long time now – almost over a year. Slowly, Hilda transported it to her table.

_What if what he said was...?_

Then, the queen shook her head. She knew she needed to be strong to use the crystal ball, and any doubting, any worries would only make it harder for her to use it correctly.

Hilda started to concentrate. She activated the magic flowing through her body and sent it to the crystal ball.

_Give me the answers I am searching for_,she demanded and focused on Kuja – and the question whether he was still alive or not.  
The crystal ball took its time. First, it only showed Hilda swirls of dust and magic, but Hilda did not give up and manipulated her magic to dig deeper. She saw the Iifa Tree and Zidane and Kuja in the middle of it. Kuja was injured. Suddenly, the tree started to collapse and she could see how Zidane jumped over to cover Kuja's body.

"Kuja, watch out", Zidane screamed as he leaned over.  
"Fool", the sorcerer muttered as he tried to push away the younger one, but his body was too weak and his hands quickly fell down.  
Zidane was hit in the back and screamed in pain, but he didn't move. No matter how badly he got injured, he refused to expose Kuja.  
"A-are you okay, man?", he asked in a short break.  
"What are you?!", Kuja suddenly asked angrily. "I used up all of my remaining power to teleport you and your friends out of here, yet you came back – why?! Was my effort in vain?!"  
"Because of that", Zidane answered while breathing heavily. "I knew it was your doing. You saved us. I couldn't let ya die here, could I? Saving us meant you knew you'd been wrong, didn't ya? But even if you hadn't done anything – I don't need a reason to help people", he added and looked at Kuja with a grin. "It's what I do. What I always did."

Kuja looked at his former rival, his eyes opened wide. Then, he suddenly clenched his fists and his eyes narrowed. "You're such a fool", he said and all of a sudden, a white barrier surrounded the two of them. "Dying like the hero, is it that what you're aiming for?"  
_

The pictures inside the crystal ball became blurry again. Hilda could see how Zidane carried Kuja out of the Iifa Tree. Both of them were terribly bruised and Kuja didn't move at all.

Then, she saw Zidane wandering through the outer continent, across the Conde Petie Mountain Path, still carrying Kuja on his back.  
Zidane reached the Magdalene Forest and was greeted by a black mage. Together, they carried Kuja to the Black Mage Village and put him on a bed.  
Weeks must have passed. Zidane was still at the village, tending to Kuja's wounds, but the sorcerer was still motionless. Only his eyes would move under their eyelids – as if he was dreaming.

Then, the crystal ball was empty, leaving only swirling mist behind.  
Hilda was shocked. Kuja was still alive! He was rescued by Zidane, but fell under a coma in his final attempt to protect his brother. Zidane never mentioned Kuja's survival because he seemed to remain in that state forever.  
Hilda knew what to do. She had known it from the very first dream, just refused to accept it. She had been missing him, her abductor, the sorcerer who aimed to destroy the worlds, who killed thousands of people – and yet a man who never ceased to amaze her. He had been visiting her in her dreams and even though he never said it, he had hoped for her to rescue him.  
Hilda couldn't help but chuckle. The great, narcissistic man, superior to every other being – to his opinion, at last – was asking her for help.  
But would she help him? The consequences would be fatal. She just thought it to herself: One of the greatest enemies Gaia ever had to fight, revived by her? She almost threw away the thought, when she remembered Zidane's words she heard through the crystal ball. He saved Zidane and the others. It took until his final defeat but in the end, he tried to atone for his sins. Hilda smiled. At least Zidane would support her. And if Zidane was going to, Garnet would have no other choice but to do so as well.

Hilda got up, a determined look on her face. Quickly, she got dressed in a less formal attire. She wrote a short letter addressed to Cid, explaining that she would be gone for a while and left it on her bed. Sooner or later, one of the servants would find it. Eiko would be taken care of until she returned, she was sure of that – Cid had fallen for the little, energetic girl the moment he saw her. In fact, it was thanks to Eiko that Cid and Hilda had tried for so long to remain a loving family.

Hilda couldn't help but smile as she left her bedroom, wandered through the castle, boarded a newly finished air ship and set course to the Outer Continent. It felt so much like the first time she left Cid. And just like back then, she felt free and happy. Eiko had brought her joy, but this feeling, flying through the clouds, watching the plains, mountains and seas as she passed by, this gave her true happiness. And now, she dared to admit it: It was a feeling of happiness she could only enjoy because she was headed towards him. Her doubts of doing right or wrong were gone. Her feelings were like the sea she was currently passing: Wild, heavy, yet they followed the natural order of things. Everything was right.  
Even though she was impatient about her arrival, the Outer Continent came to sight earlier than she expected – Cid's new air ship was impressive, indeed.  
As Hilda landed the air ship at the shore, feelings of worry hit her: How was she to find the Black Mages' Village? All she had were her memories of the blurry vision the crystal ball gave her. She almost lost hope when she spotted a giant forest not far from her. She recalled Zidane telling her that the Black Mages' Village was hidden in a big forest on the Outer Continent, causing him to tell her a long story about all the fights they encountered until they finally reached it.  
Determined, Hilda approached the forest.

_This is bad_, Hilda thought to herself as she was surrounded by countless fiends. Her magic skills were predominately focused on aiding and curing others, but offensive magic was not her field. The queen already had bruises on her face and body and was trapped: In front of her the fiends, behind her back dense trees. One of the fiends was jumping forward and Hilda closed her eyes, ready to give up, when the fiend suddenly let out a cry. Hilda looked around surprised to see black mages attacking the enemies. While the fiends were occupied with slowly burning away by the mages' fire spells, a soft hand touched Hilda's. As the queen turned her head, she saw Mikoto standing in front of her. And to an even bigger surprise, Mikoto slightly smiled.

"Mikoto?", Hilda asked surprised, and the genome nodded.  
"Yes, lady Hilda. I will explain everything to you once we reached the village. But now, we need to retreat." And without allowing further discussions, Mikoto pulled her through the forest, leaving the rest to the black mages.

"I see", Mikoto concluded after Hilda explained to her why she was there. "It looks like Zidane was right."  
"Zidane?", Hilda asked confused. She was sitting on a small chair, just a few houses away from Kuja – at least that was what she figured. Most of the black mages had returned already and Hilda had already been able to observe how the genomes and the black mages were working hand in hand. She was surprised by how well everything seemed to have worked out – then again, it has been over a year and it was only natural for the genomes and black mages to find a peaceful way of living, considering their non-agressive nature to begin with.  
"Yes, Zidane", Mikoto repeated and pulled Hilda back to the conversation. "As you said correctly, Zidane brought Kuja here almost a year ago. After several months, he decided to go back to your continent, but he told us that there was no need to worry and that Kuja would wake up someday. No one would believe him, but he still did our best protecting the body."  
Suddenly, Hilda remembered what Kuja was to both the black mages and the genomes. He misused them, probably even worse than any other race, and was ready to dispose of either of them whenever he felt like it. Slowly, Hilda looked away. "That was... very kind", she gave the understatement. "Considering everything that had happened."  
But Mikoto shook her head. "Not at all. Although we have been here for a year, all the other genomes are having difficulties developing emotions. They are far from the stage of being able to feel hatred or similar feelings. The black mages are further in their development, but then again... Zidane said they would have "a big heart". It took me a while to realize he meant they were forgiving and kind, instead of them having bigger hearts than we do."

"But what about you, Mikoto?", Hilda asked and looked at the girl – and she couldn't perceive her as anything different – with a worried face. "You have a soul, do you not?"  
Suddenly, Mikoto looked away. "He did terrible things to us – and to many other people as well. And a part of me dislikes him for that. But... Even though he was wrong, he gave us hope."  
"Hope?"  
"Hope. We learned that we could defy our fate. Kuja was designed to destroy Gaia – instead, he rescued Gaias saviors. And now, look at us: Cut off from the Soul Cycle of Terra, a lot of us have somehow retrieved souls. We live at a new home and we start to create bonds like friendship. We were designed as vessels for someone elses' soul, but now, we are independent beings. We learned from Kuja we could change our fate, and that's what we did. So no matter what he did, a part of me, a part of us, has to be thankful for him. He made a great sacrifice that brought us hope."  
Hilda nodded as she looked down. This sounded almost nothing like Kuja – but then, she felt like remembering gentle expressions on his face. Times where his laughter wasn't evil, but true. Moments, where his smile occurred out of positive, pure thoughts.  
Hilda lift her head up, her eyes were glistening. "Guide me to his place."

Kuja looked as he if was asleep. His face had a gentle, almost innocent expression – apart from his eyes, which were moving heavily. There were no wounds or scars on his face – a prove how well he had been treated by the ones he used to enslave – or safed, like Mikoto would argue.

Hilda sat down beside him, her breath was unsteady. She was there, after a year she was finally there. He had been calling out to her, had ignored his pride and asked for help – how could she deny it? For a moment, she looked at his lips – and a vague memory of Kuja appeared.

It had been weeks since she had been captured. Hilda had somehow got used to it – even though she couldn't stand not being able to go out. But she hadn't been hurt, tortured or even interrogated. Even though _that _kind of conversation was almost torture as well.

"I have heard they're coming for me. My foolish brother, the silent canary and the rest of that childish group. They believe they could fight me – me!" Kuja laughed hysterically and for the first time Hilda had been captured, she dared to speak up to him: "And I hope they will do it."  
Kuja turned around, quickly, a weird look in his eyes. "Do you believe they might succeed, my lady? He asked as he moved toward her."  
Hilda laughed. "It's not a question of me believing or not – they will. They will free me from this cage and give to you what you deserve!" Then, she twitched. Was it a good idea to tell him what she thought? He had never hurt her, but she had never told him off like that either.

But instead of being furious, Kuja seemed troubled. "Is that what you wish for? To flee from here?", he mumbled, his eyes looking through her. "I had thought that, by now... No!", he suddenly exclaimed, his eyes narrowing even further, and without hesitation, he approached Hilda, grabbed her chin and kissed her – and despite him being forceful, his lips were soft, his movements gentle, and he sent waves of heat down Hilda's spine. Then, he abruptly ended the kiss and looked into her eyes. "You are my prey, my lady. You belong to me – and I won't allow them to take you from me, no matter how much you wish for it."  
_

"How could I forget?", Hilda mumbled to herself as she smiled. She looked at Kuja's pale face and stroke his cheek.

"This is against all logic", she whispered to him as she started to accumulate the magic inside her. "It is against logic, common sense and possibly even nature as well. But I don't mind. And neither did you. You knew it all along, but I was too scared of what would happen if I admit it. But not anymore."  
And with a modification of the cure and sleep spell, she entered Kuja's dreams, while still being able to look at him as he slept

.  
She had thought she would see herself in a room, like in her dreams, but all she could see was darkness around her. Still, she felt she was not alone. Kuja was around this darkness. Was it the result of his remorse, his loneliness? The queen could not tell, but she knew she was there to end it. Hilda reached out her hand and called out: "Wake up, sorcerer. I am here for you now."  
Kuja opened his eyes. And he greeted her with his evil grin she had missed for so long. "My lady", he said, his voice rough from a year of not speaking. "How did I get such honor?"  
"I am here to take you as my prey, sorcerer", Hilda smiled. "You have to pay back to me – for a very long time."  
"At your service, my lady."

**Surprise! MysticSpiritus, who is a huge Kuja x Hilda fan, requested this story! This was my first request ever, so I was really, really happy and very excited. I know I didn't do it perfectly, but I truly hope you could enjoy it, Mystic! It was fun working with Kuja and Hilda, but a bit hard as well, since I never worked deeply with either of the two. Still, I worked really hard on this fiction and I tried to make it interesting. I fear though that it's not really Drama, as you requested, but I hope you could still enjoy it. Thanks again for requesting this, it was a lof of fun and an honor x)  
Check Mystic out here: u/1362086/**  
**Thanks for reading, as always! I'm open for constructive criticsm :)**


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